It’s Valentine’s Rave Massacre and today we’re going through some of the sexiest and hottest Nintendo characters. And no, We’re not talking waifus here. We’re talking about nasty, dirty dirty little Nintenhos. The biggest harlots and hussies the company has ever produced. Not the girls you want to bring home to your mum. These are one night stand material and you better double wrap it if you even dare to go in. Only Nintendo created girls are allowed here, no third party. Let’s see what Nintenhos made the list.
First on the list is B. Christie the pilot for the J. B. Crystal in F-Zero Maximum Velocity. This forgotten GBA launch title gave us a new generation of pilots which meant a lot of new character designs. In it is this 2000s era looking girl. She is a good first choice for new players to the game since she is easy. A bit hard to control though.
Next is Anutza Herling better known for being the Trophy Girl in Cruis’N USA. She was also known as adult star Shyla Foxxx. Which explains why Nintendo made her put a shirt on for the N64 port of the arcade game. I believe this is the only Adult star in any official first party Nintendo game franchise so far.
Next pick is Mach Rider girl. Just like Samus in Metroid when you beat the Arcade port of the NES game you can actually see that she was not a man like most thought but a woman. And boy does she have a stripperific outfit under her riding gear. here is some official art of the character just for the ones who want to debate that it’s never specified it’s meant to be the same character, she is.
Now if a French girl is more your thing then Cheri Freneal from Teleroboxer might be the one for you. Not only does her giant mech have cone breasts and looks like a belly dancer but the pilot herself looks like a Rave girl from the 90s. She even starts taking her clothes off as her way to show her submissive nature to the player after you beat her mon chérie.
We finish off with Robin from Pilotwings 64, it was early in 3D graphics but man they sure put all the polygons to work on her chest. I wanted to choose a render that wasn’t used as often but the most common one is really the ones that shows off how ridiculous those are. No one can tell me that wink is meant to be playful. She knows what she’s got and she’ll use her sex appeal to get anything she wants.
The lack of Xenoblade or Fire Emblem heroes representative is mostly my lack of knowledge on those franchises. I didn’t want to accidentally choose a nice girl that just like to play the bad girl attitude. This list doesn’t represent my actual preferences, just more of the wilder side of Nintendo’s designs over the years.